Why Won’t You Apologize?
Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
About the book
Psychologist Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, examines the two words I'm sorry and what it takes to heal broken connections and restore trust. Drawing on more than two decades of studying apologies, she explains how to offer an apology that carries real meaning and how to avoid ones that deepen the original injury. She looks at what drives people who refuse to apologize and people who apologize too much, and at why people guilty of the worst acts find it hardest to admit them. For the injured party, she warns against forgiving too easily and questions the popular idea that forgiveness is the only route to peace of mind.
Brene Brown, writing in Tribe of Mentors, puts it on her go-to list of books she gives out and says it changed her, since most people turn out to be poor apologizers. Technology growth leader Patricia Reed said it helped her see the need to apologize for her own part in a situation.
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This book has 2 recommendations
Patricia Reed (Technology Growth Leader & Mentor)
I've been reading a few non-fiction books recently, one in particular was useful, "Why Won't You Apologize?" I've noticed how defensive people can be, yours truly included, versus apologizing. (Full disclosure, I haven't told my husband I read the book, and he might not believe it.) It helped me to understand the need to apologize for whatever part of a situation I contributed to, even if I don't feel that it was necessary.
Brene Brown (Author & Researcher)
I give out a lot of books. My go-to list includes The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner (so helpful for couples in that “I’m screaming and he’s/she’s shutting down” cycle) and her new book, Why Won’t You Apologize? (Turns out that most of us are pretty terrible apologizers - this really changed me.).
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